She’s come a long way.

In 2017, Shakira shocked the world when she had to postpone her El Dorado World Tour due to a vocal hemorrhage. What the world saw during that time was only a fraction of the real life turmoil the singer was going through behind the scenes. In a new interview with The Guardian, the mom of two is opening up about what she went through and her journey back to super-stardom. 

“I always thought there were going to be things in my life that would go away, like beauty, youth, all of that stuff,” she told the publication. “But I never thought that my voice would leave me, because it’s so inherent to my nature. It was my identity. So when I couldn’t sing, that was unbearable. There were times I couldn’t even get out of bed–I was so depressed.”

Beyond being hard on her career for obvious reasons, Shakira also explained the toll it took on her relationship with long-time partner Gerard Pique

“He jokes that you would think you would want your wife to shut up–but when I had to remain quiet, he felt like one of those ex-convicts who are given their freedom and don’t know what to do with it,” she shared. “I was not positive. I was so pessimistic. I was a bitter person to be around. Gerard saw the worst of me.”

Although things looked grim and she was told she needed to have surgery, the singer stayed strong and instead let her vocal cords heal on their own. Something most people would call a miracle, and Shakira would call faith. Fans will get a first-hand look at the experience when a film about her El Dorado tour hits select theaters on Nov. 13. 

While she’s undoubtedly one of the queen’s of pop with no plans of stopping anytime soon, she does imagine that someday she’ll settle down for a quiet farm life. Yes, you read that right. 

“Like one day waking up on a farm and being able to just mow the lawn, and milk some cows,” she revealed of her plans for the future. “One day I want to have a farm life. I don’t think I could ever be bored of being in nature. Eat all I want. Sometimes I think there’s going to be more to life than my actual life.”

Until then, keep on doing you, Shakira!