“I wanted to be something other than who I am.”

  • Demi Moore opened up about being “addicted” to Ashton Kutcher.
  • Demi and Ashton were married for eight years and divorced in 2013.
  • She also said she was sober for 20 years before she relapsed with alcohol while on vacation.

Earlier this summer, Demi Moore released her memoir, Inside Out. In it, she opened up about her body image, her career as an actress in insanely popular movies like Charlie’s Angels and St. Elmo’s Fire, her former marriage to Ashton Kutcher, and her struggles with addiction and sobriety. Now, on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk show, she opened up about her “addiction to Ashton” and drinking again after she was sober for 20 years.

Talking to the show’s hosts and alongside her daughters, Rumer and Tallulah Willis, Demi said, “The addiction and the codependency…like my addiction to Ashton—that was probably almost more devastating because it took me seriously away emotionally.”

Demi and Ashton divorced in 2013 after eight years of marriage, and it took a toll on Tallulah, who was 9 years old when Demi relapsed. While on vacation with Ashton, Demi recalled him saying, “I don’t know if alcoholism’s a thing. I think it’s about moderation.” She added that her desire to “be that girl” caused her to relapse. She explained, “I made my own story up, that he wanted somebody that he could have wine with that he could do stuff [with]. He’s not the cause of why I opened that door up. I wanted to be something other than who I am. And it was literally like giving my power away.”

As Demi described what she once called the “contortions” she bent herself into “to try to fit the mold of the woman he wanted his wife to be,” Tallulah explained what it was like living in their house. She said that it was like “the sun went down and a monster came,” and she shared:

“Watching the behavior with Ashton, those years, because everyone had left the house and it was just me living there. I felt very forgotten and I feel like I developed and nurtured a narrative where she didn’t love me and I truly believed it. I know that she does 100 percent, but in that moment, you’re hurt.”

Demi said she’s been sober for nearly eight years now, and her new book, Inside Out: A Memoir, is available now.